Invest in a power washer. 
I don't want to blow them into tiny pieces.

Washing them in a 5 gallon bucket, filling it up 1/2 way and pouring it out, it takes what feels like 15-20 minutes to do 1/2 a bag of rock. The heavy silt/dye just sticks to the bucket. I haven't much time to work on this project, so it's about 1/2 done at the moment. I might throw up a DIY post at some point depending on time this weekend. It's being used in air-driven, 5 gallon bucket filters.
I do a water change, and siphon old water over the lava rock, and dump often.
Might be delusional, but makes me feel like accomplishing more than just wanking away new water.
Sounds interesting, but I'm not quite sure I understand. You're using tank water to wash new rocks? Or using tank water to wash tank decor? Or using the rocks to somehow filter the tank water and then add it back?